Everywhere I go someone's tryin' to be my girlfriend's best friend
  I'm tryin' to pretend I'm relaxed but I'm playin' castanets with my knees
  I try to be cool and give her space
  But a guy's always there ready to jump right up and take my place
  Everyone in this room seems to want to make a big fool out of me.
  
  Everybody open you're mouth
  Everybody just say Ahhhhh (Ah Ahh Ahh Ahhhhh)
  Everything will be all right
  If you play along
  
  Everywhere I go there's someone in a trench coat staring at me
  When I'm not at home I'm sure someone's rummaging through my trash
  Whatever could they want from me
  Is it just a part of a giant government conspiracy?
  I gotta go see my doctor about this itchy pentagram-shaped rash.
  
  Everybody open you're mouth
  Everybody just say Ahhhhh (Ah Ahh Ahh Ahhhhh)
  Everything will be all right
  This won't hurt at all
  
  Everybody get in line
  Everybody turn and cough (cooouuuggghhh)
  Everything will be all right
  If you just lay off
  
  Dictate a memo to myself
  Try to find if I'm the only one in complete health
  Consult contemporaries if there's some to see
  There really isn't anyone who's in my league
  
  Every night at Elaine's someone thinks they have to find beyond me
  I try to take three deep breaths as I lock and arm my mini-van
  Everyone says I'm looking great
  But it's hard to stand-up let alone to try to concentrate
  I wish that everyone that I knew hadn't sold out to the man
  
  Everybody open you're mouth
  Everybody just say Ahhhhh (Ah Ahh Ahh Ahhhhh)
  Everything will be all right
  This won't hurt at all
  
  Everybody get in line
  Everybody turn and cough (cooouuuggghhh)
  Everything will be all right
  If you just lay
  Everything will be all right
  If you just lay
  Everything will be all right
  If you just lay off