i got a little friend he's with me to the end
  what does he say
  i ask him for opinions and political decisions
  each and every day
  i know that it's a dream dirty and obscene anyway
    if stuart could talk what would he say
  if stuart could talk what would he say
  if stuart could talk what would he say
  what would he say if stuey could talk to me
    whenever i'm alone i'm really not alone
  he's always there
  when i am going to falter and i'm standing at the alter
  and there's not a prayer
  i know it's up to him if i ever sin anyway
    what would he say what would he say
  "yes my name is stuart and i assure you i can speak
  and lately i find myself astounded
  at the sort of company you keep
  something further i must mention
  of this fact i cannot understand
  is your insatiable attention at annoying me with your hand
  and in closing may i offer this point must be succint
  my purpose is for procreation
  and not facilitating in your sin"